So What Now?

So I feel like this crazy dream resembles... a shell... and it's just eagerly awaiting to be filled with all the things that are needed to make it a reality.

but then reality gets in the everyday way. 

I realize some people dream and plan and bleed and sweat for years before something bears fruit, so I'm not expecting to just snap my fingers and presto, here ya go. I think I'm just at a weird, unfamiliar crossroads of "do I go for it and just start raising money and asking for help and do whatever it takes to make this happen" or "do I wait patiently and let opportunities present themselves".

how do you find the balance of "keep living your life" and "wholeheartedly pursue an idea" while trusting the Lord to lead and direct all along the way.

I see so many examples in the Bible of people who were given a glimpse of vision, or a promise, only to get in the way by trying to make it happen in a way that made sense to them at the time.

so I must ask myself, "am I ok with the Lord's timing?" or rather... "am I willing to submit to the Lord's timing?" such an arrogant question, as if i can actually make anything happen that the Lord hasn't willed. As if my lack of surrender would ever yield anything worthwhile.

so my brain wants to plan and scheme and organize (aka control the process). but my heart says to wait on the Lord. Meanwhile, love God. love others. So I must offer what is in my hands to give right now. and what is in my heart to speak right now. what is in my time to invest right now.

so I'll keep them, these dreams, in my care, actively waiting until the Lord brings the fruit to bare. and I believe that someday in the future, I will look back in amazement at the working of the Lord's hands.